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Joke of the day.
#1
Internet Axioms



1. Home is where you hang your @

2. The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.

3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.

4. You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.

5. Great groups from little icons grow.

6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.

7. C:is the root of all directories.

8. Don't put all your hypes in one home page.

9. Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.

10. The modem is the message.

11. Too many clicks spoil the browse.

12. The geek shall inherit the earth.

13. A chat has nine lives.

14. Don't byte off more than you can view.

15. Fax is stranger than fiction.

16. What boots up must come down.

17. Windows will never cease.

18. In Gates we trust.

19. Virtual reality is its own reward.

20. Modulation in all things.

21. A user and his leisure time are soon parted.

22. There's no place like home.com

23. Know what to expect before you connect.

24. Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.

25. Speed thrills.

26. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.
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#2
Hey. I recognize that dog and that truck.
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#3
<img src='http://www.titanspot.com/Titan/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/119.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':smt075' /> <img src='http://www.titanspot.com/Titan/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/119.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':smt119' /> <img src='http://www.titanspot.com/Titan/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/119.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':smt119' /> <img src='http://www.titanspot.com/Titan/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/119.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':smt119' /> <img src='http://www.titanspot.com/Titan/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/119.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':smt119' /> <img src='http://www.titanspot.com/Titan/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/119.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':smt119' /> <img src='http://www.titanspot.com/Titan/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/119.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':smt119' />
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#4
A circus manager advertises for a tiger trainer, and two applicants show up. One is a man and the other is a woman.



So the circus manager says to the woman "OK, let's see what you can do."



The woman enters a cage with five tigers. She cracks her whip once and the tigers roll over in unison from left to right. She cracks her whip again and the tigers roll over in unison from right to left. Then she strips naked, lies down on her back and cracks the whip a third time. One of the tigers crawls over to her on its belly, and goes down on her until she has an orgasm.



The circus manager says "Hey, that's terrific!"



So then the other applicant says "I can do better than that."



The circus manager says "You can?"



The other applicant says "Sure! But first get those stupid animals out of the cage!"
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#5
A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running along side his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him because he was doing 50 MPH.



He accelerated to 60 and the chicken stayed right next to him.



He sped up to 75 MPH and the chicken passed him up.



The man then noticed that the chicken had three legs, so he followed the chicken down a road and ended up at a farm.



The curious man got out of his car and noticed that all the chickens had three legs. He asked the farmer, "What's up with these chickens?"



The farmer explained, "Well, everybody likes chicken legs, so I bred a three-legged bird. I'm gonna be a millionaire."



"How do they taste?" asked the man.



"Don't know," replied the farmer, "haven't caught one yet."
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#6
A guy was in the South of France, and could not understand why his friend had attracted all the girls at the beach, while he pulled nothing.



So he asked him, "Why do you get all the girls and I get nothing?"



He replied, "Take a potato and tuck it in your swimming trunks. It drives the women wild!"



So, the guy stuffed a potato in his suit and paraded up and down the beach. Many hours later, he still had no woman. He went to see his friend again and said, "I've tried it and it doesn't work!"



His friend looked at the guy and said, "Have you tried putting the potato in the front?"
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#7
A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop.

The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK old fart, time for you to retire."

The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"



The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over."

The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."



The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance old man.

So, just to be fair I will give you a head start."

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is already about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.



The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - He blows the young rooster to bits.

The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, "Dammit... third gay rooster I bought this month."



~ Moral of this story.... Don't mess with the OLD FARTS - age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill
[Image: Work-2.jpg]

2010 Nissan Titan SE CC 4WD



Mods:

Extang Tri-Fecta Folding Tonneau Cover ~ 15% Tint ~ LT275/70/18 Nitto Terra Grapplers

Aries SS Bull Bar ~ Warn W650 Wireless Driving Lights ~ OEM Muffler Swap to a Magnaflow XL

SuperChips Cortex 93 Tune ~ Volant PowerCore CAI ~ 2* Timing Advance



[Image: 50859.png]
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#8
How do you castrate a redneck?



Kick his sister in the jaw.
"...and poof. Just like that, he's gone. "
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#9
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I a$$ure you, Julie and I are just roommates."



About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"



John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."



So, he sat down and wrote, "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But, the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."



Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But, the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.



Love, Mom.
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#10
An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, "$165,000".

The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets.

The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?"

The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square."

The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.

The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?"

"Certainly", replied the president. "I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square."

"Done", the elderly woman answered. "But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness."

"No problem", said the president of the Bank confidently.

That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.

The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.

The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.

The president was happy to oblige.

The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. "Of course", said the president. "Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure."

The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, "Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!"
04' Smoke SE KC , PRG CST spindles, PRG Spec'd SAWs 2.5 C/Os, Total Chaos UCAs, Radflo Airbumps, PRG Custom Spec'd Deaver 3" springpack, PRG 2" tapered billet blocks, Radflo 2.0 remote res shocks, CST carrier bearing, PRG Offroad traction bars, 35x12.5x17 BFG Mud Terrains, American Racing Mojave Teflons, HID low beams and fogs, Banks exhaust, AEM CAI, 2 Deg. Timing Advance



[Image: picture018bsigez7.jpg]
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#11
LOL, nice jokes fella. That one by Trikky is a hoot!



A millionaire pays this big game hunter to take him on a safari to hunt gorillas. He pays the guy 20 grand, so the hunter says "be here at 6 am sharp tomorrow"



Well, the next morning he's there at 6 am sharp and the hunter is ready with a big hunting dog and a huge shotgun. They start going through the jungle when they come upon a big gorilla in a tree. The hunter says "be ready with that gun" and sneaks up on the gorilla. He taps the gorilla on the shoulder and when the gorilla turns, he knocks him out of the tree. When the gorilla hits the ground, the hunting dog runs the gorilla down and tears off his nuts. "Nice job" says the hunter as he comes back down.



After the same scenario happens again, the millionaire is getting furious; he's paid all this money and hasn't done anything. All of a sudden they come upon this huge gorilla in the tree. "Be ready with that gun!" the hunter tells the guy. He climbs the tree and punches that gorilla square in the nose. The gorilla looks back and knocks the hell out of the hunter, who screams to the guy as he's falling to the ground, "Shoot the dog! Shoot the dog!"
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#12
Great jokes!
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#13
An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small tavern. The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you."

"Yes," she says, "I remember it well."

"OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll round there again and we can do it for old time's sake.

"Oooooooh, Henry, you old devil, that sounds like a good idea," she answers.

There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's not any trouble." So he follows them.

They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and the Old man drops his trousers. She turns around and as she hangs on to the fence, the old man moves in. Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen. They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year-olds.

This goes on for about forty minutes! She's yelling, "Ohhh, God!" He's hanging on to her hips for dear life. This is the most athletic sex imaginable.

Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he's learned something about life that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, still watching thinks, "that was truly amazing - that old man was going like a train- I've got to ask him what his secret is."

As the couple pass, he says to them, "That was something else. You had sex for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? You must have had a fantastic life together. Is there some sort of secret?"

The old man says, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
04' Smoke SE KC , PRG CST spindles, PRG Spec'd SAWs 2.5 C/Os, Total Chaos UCAs, Radflo Airbumps, PRG Custom Spec'd Deaver 3" springpack, PRG 2" tapered billet blocks, Radflo 2.0 remote res shocks, CST carrier bearing, PRG Offroad traction bars, 35x12.5x17 BFG Mud Terrains, American Racing Mojave Teflons, HID low beams and fogs, Banks exhaust, AEM CAI, 2 Deg. Timing Advance



[Image: picture018bsigez7.jpg]
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#14
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.



That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in!"



The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."



The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"
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#15
Is Windows a Virus?







No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses (viri?) do:



1. They replicate quickly -- okay, Windows does that.



2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system

as they do so -- okay, Windows does that.



3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk -- okay,

Windows does that, too.



4. Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable

programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too.



5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too

slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that's with

Windows, too.



Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental

differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are

running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and

efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they

mature.



So, Windows is *not* a virus.
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#16
The teacher walked into the classroom to find words like "****" and "****"

scrawled all over the blackboard. "Children," she said, addressing the

classroom, "you are much too young to use vile language like that. Now

we're all going to close our eyes and count up to fifty. Then, while our

eyes are closed, I want the little boy or girl who wrote those words on

the board to tiptoe up and erase them." At the signal, the teacher and the

children all closed their eyes. Then the teacher counted out loud, very

slowly. When she reached fifty, she said, "All right. Everybody open their

eyes." All eyes went to the blackboard. None of the words were erased. But

below them was the message: "**** you, teacher! The Phantom strikes

again!"
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#17
Why do they put strings on tampons?



So you can floss after you eat!
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#18
Senator Hillary Clinton was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation last weekend in Arizona. She spoke for almost an hour on her future plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living. She referred to her career as a US Senator, how she had signed "YES" 1,237 times - for every Indian issue that came to her desk for approval.

Although the Senator was vague on the details of her plan, she seemed most enthusiastic about her future ideas for helping her "red brothers".

At the conclusion of her speech, the Tribes presented the senator with a plaque inscribed with her new Indian name - Walking Eagle. The proud senator then departed in her motorcade, waving to the crowds.





A news reporter later inquired to the group of chiefs of how they come to select the new name given to the senator. They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of **** it can no longer fly.
04' Smoke SE KC , PRG CST spindles, PRG Spec'd SAWs 2.5 C/Os, Total Chaos UCAs, Radflo Airbumps, PRG Custom Spec'd Deaver 3" springpack, PRG 2" tapered billet blocks, Radflo 2.0 remote res shocks, CST carrier bearing, PRG Offroad traction bars, 35x12.5x17 BFG Mud Terrains, American Racing Mojave Teflons, HID low beams and fogs, Banks exhaust, AEM CAI, 2 Deg. Timing Advance



[Image: picture018bsigez7.jpg]
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#19
<img src='http://www.titanspot.com/Titan/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/003.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':smt003' />
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#20
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.

''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."



Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:



"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
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#21
I like the chicken joke.
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#22
They're all pretty funAy...
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#23
I'll tell you what's funny P-Diddy and his avatar. <img src='http://www.titanspot.com/Titan/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/005.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':smt044' />
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#24
Isn't that his picture? hehe...
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#25
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.

Every time they made love the husband always insisted on turning off the light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.

She looked down... and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leasure device... a vibrator!

Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. She went completely ballistic.

"You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years?

You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids."
04' Smoke SE KC , PRG CST spindles, PRG Spec'd SAWs 2.5 C/Os, Total Chaos UCAs, Radflo Airbumps, PRG Custom Spec'd Deaver 3" springpack, PRG 2" tapered billet blocks, Radflo 2.0 remote res shocks, CST carrier bearing, PRG Offroad traction bars, 35x12.5x17 BFG Mud Terrains, American Racing Mojave Teflons, HID low beams and fogs, Banks exhaust, AEM CAI, 2 Deg. Timing Advance



[Image: picture018bsigez7.jpg]
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